


my, heart beating so fast

by honghwa



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, But is it really?, Feelings Realization, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Not Beta Read, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pre-Relationship, hongjoong's a gentle dom otherwise known as a power bottom, i can finally delete this from my notes Thank God, i think you can guess where this is going, i'd like to think of this as, overuse of the word baby, uhhh i've waited like a week to post this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-13 21:32:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18039437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honghwa/pseuds/honghwa
Summary: He tries to sound as delicate as he can, as if anything above a whisper might scare Seonghwa off, "do you... need help, with that?"





	1. heart beating so fast

**Author's Note:**

> me: yeahh no idk i'm Never gonna write smut :/  
> this fic: **Happens**  
>  me:  
> me: wh-
> 
> did i specifically make a new account just for this? maybe so.  
>  huh. tbh i didn't want this on my main acc you know so if?? anyone recognizes my writing style?? then uhh sowwy ? oh also idk who has which bunk bed so i just. gave seonghwa the top one for the sake of the story? (not that anyone in this band has any Top Energy to begin with tbh)

The thing about them being the oldest of the group is that, if there's anyone that stays home while the other members go out to have some fun, it's usually the two of them.

It's not that Hongjoong's complaining, no. Sure, maybe he and Seonghwa didn't really hit it off at first, but with time, Hongjoong found himself liking the older's presence more and more.

The other just grew on him slowly, with his boxy smiles and gentle, but firm attitude. What Hongjoong first took for stubbornness turned out to be an awkward way of showing concern, and after that, it seemed to have gone smoothly.

Because Seonghwa is the only person in their group that's older than him, so as their leader he thinks it's only suitable, that if there's anyone he finds comfort in, it's Seonghwa.

That might be why when his members leave, Mingi's enthusiastic shout echoing through the hall of their dorm, Hongjoong can already feel the happiness at the fact that the rest of the evening, he gets to spend with his roommate.

Fingers tapping gently on the door of their room, he waits for a second before calling out, "Seonghwa?"

There's a muffled hum in reply, and it's enough for Hongjoong to turn the handle and push the door open, stepping inside with a sigh.

"The kids just left," he informs, watching as Seonghwa nods from his spot on his bed, his eyes set on his phone and not meeting Hongjoong's gaze ㅡ for whatever reason. He juts his lower lip in a pout, craning his head up to look at the older, and as he still doesn't pay him any more attention, he finally speaks up again, "come down, I'm touch deprived. Wanna cuddle."

And _maybe_ he sounds a tiny bit childish, but he doesn't care. Seonghwa knows he likes his daily dose of hugs, which usually he gets from the other members, but at the moments that there's only the two of them at the dorm, like right now ㅡ he can only ask Seonghwa, and he's pretty sure the older's already gotten used to him clinging to the blonde when he feels the need to.

But this time, Seonghwa's eyes widen almost comically as he finally meets Hongjoong's gaze, and the older worries at his lip before mumbling, "do I... have to?"

If Hongjoong wasn't this confused, he'd probably tell him that no, this isn't an order. Seonghwa doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to. But now, he can only blink back at him owlishly, before he regains his ability to talk and he replies with a quiet, "please?"

And even if Seonghwa seems reluctant, the older still sits up and slowly climbs down the ladder. In the meantime, Hongjoong's already managed to lie down, and he lifts the covers when Seonghwa only stands by the edge of the bed, unsure.

Here's the thing. As much as Seonghwa isn't usually the one to initiate cuddles, Hongjoong's never seen him so nervous about it.

He just hopes the blonde feels okay.

Moving closer to the edge, he makes space for the older to slip into, and stares at Seonghwa as the blonde does so ㅡ carefully, he lets the blanket fall over them, and he leans back into Seonghwa's chest with a content sigh.

But then, he hears the older's breath hitch, and he's about to ask what's wrong, when he feels something dig into the back of his thigh.

"Oh," he huffs out, realization dawning over him as he feels Seonghwa's shoulders stiffen behind him. So that's why the boy seemed so reluctantㅡ " _oh._ "

There's a bit of silence that follows, as neither of them move.

This, whatever it is, is new territory for him ㅡ with Seonghwa, at least. Like, obviously, he's seen his friends getting boners occasionally. Just, not Seonghwa.

"I, uh," the older mumbles, sounding as if he's about to apologize, or maybe explain himself, but he trails off, and it's quiet again, until Hongjoong takes a deep breath and speaks up.

He tries to sound as delicate as he can, as if anything above a whisper might scare Seonghwa off, "do you... need help, with that?"

The question clearly startles the older, and before he has the time to reply, Hongjoong's already turning to face him, his eyes searching his face.

He can see the older's ears redden with every second, his eyes wide as he meets Hongjoong's gaze, but there's no immediate denial or disgust, which he thinks is a good sign.

Nibbling at his lip, he lets his hand reach down to rest on Seonghwa's hip, gaze still searching for any signs of discomfort on the older's face as his fingers play with the hem of his jeans.

He watches as Seonghwa's lips part, just to snap shut again when no words leave his mouth, and slowly, Hongjoong lets his hand travel lower, the center of his palm pressing against Seonghwa's _problem_.

It earns him a hiss from the boy, but the older doesn't even try to push him away, which makes a wave of confidence wash through his body.

"Because, you know," he continues, his fingers twitching where they're resting. He doesn't miss the way Seonghwa licks his lips nervously, "I could help you with that, baby."

Okay, the petname kind of slipped out ㅡ he didn't mean to say it out loud. But he's always liked the sound of it, and the words manage to widen Seonghwa's eyes even more before the older finally nods, murmuring a hushed, " _please_."

And Hongjoong? Well, Hongjoong keeps his promises.

•••

Okay, maybe this wasn't the best idea one could have, especially in the idol industry ㅡ but Hongjoong's sure as hell enjoying it.

Because Seonghwa whimpers, his hips jerking up and Hongjoong's breath hitches as his grip on the older's waist tightens at the action.

A sigh slips past his lips, and he watches as the blonde tips his head back, exposing his neck; his eyes screwing shut as he worries at his lip. The only word that comes to Hongjoong's mind at the moment which could be used to describe the way Seonghwa looks would be _wrecked_. It's almost cute, in a way, and he lets his fingers brush the side of the older's neck before he cups his jaw, his voice barely above a whisper, "look at me while I ride you, baby."

He can see Seonghwa's shoulders stiffen at the words, before he visibly melts under his touch. His eyelashes flutter, and then he meets Hongjoong's gaze again, and the blonde looks so on the edge, so _desperate_ , he can't hold himself back from leaning in to capture Seonghwa's lips, relishing in the quiet mewl the action earns him.

Slowly, he pulls himself up, his teeth grazing Seonghwa's bottom lip before he drops down again. Hot air hits his skin as the older breathes out through his nose harshly, and he can't help the spike of satisfaction he feels at how worked up Seonghwa already seems ㅡ only because of _him_. Rolling his hips, he can feel Seonghwa's cock twitch inside of him, before the blonde whines again, this time a tiny bit louder than before, even though he seems to catch himself at the end, his lips snapping shut as Hongjoong mouths at his jaw.

Pushing away just enough so he can speak, but still so close so that he knows his breath will ghost over Seonghwa's skin, he murmurs, "don't worry baby, you can be loud. Nobody's going to hear you, we're all alone tonight."

He can feel more than actually see the blonde clearing his throat in response, before his jaw relaxes again. _Not for long, though_ , passes through his mind and he cracks a smile at the though, rocking his hips up again.

This time, the slide down isn't as slow, but he can still feel his thighs burning and he exhales shakily when he properly sits again, his head resting against Seonghwa's neck comfortably.

For as fun as it is, it's also pretty tiring, and he places gentle, open mouthed kisses along the older's shoulder as he tries to catch his breath.

All he can do is grind down hastily, waiting for the other's reaction ㅡ and, sure enough, Seonghwa's choked off moan sounds right next to his ear, the older's hands twitching where they're fisted into the sheets.

"You can touch me, you know," Hongjoong whispers, because at this point, he thinks he's starting to grow desperate himself.

" _Shit_ ," rumbles out of Seonghwa's throat ㅡ it sounds so hoarse, so _needy_ it takes Hongjoong aback for a second.

He reaches down to grasp at Seonghwa's palms, bringing them up to his own hipbones, and he hums when he feels the older's fingers tighten their grip.

But it's still not enough, because Seonghwa still seems unsure, so finally he huffs out, carefully accenting every word so that he gets the message across, so that the blonde listens to him, "baby, you're not gonna break me, just _please_ , fuck me already."

It's all it takes for Seonghwa to finally, _finally_ start thursting his hips up, slow at first but picking up the pace with every hum and every moan that slips out of Hongjoong, and every little _that's right, baby_ and _you're doing so good, so great_ that he murmurs in between, until it's all so much and suddenly Hongjoong's vocabulary starts with tiny whimpers and ends at desperate _Seonghwa_ s.

Overwhelmed, he lets his fingers tangle in Seonghwa's hair, involuntarily tugging at the locks when he feels the older's hand circle around his dick. He barely registers the way Seonghwa's breath hitches, because the next thing he knows, the blonde thumbs at the slit, before he pumps his hand down experimentally, not wasting his time as he repeats the action, again and again ㅡ and maybe the messy pace doesn't quite match the thrusts of his hips, but every time he flicks his wrist just so, and Hongjoong's pretty sure all his thoughts reduced down to how _good_ he feels right now.

"Seonghㅡ _ah_ ," he whines, his sentence lost due to the moan, and it takes him a second before he speaks up again, and he doesn't even recognize his own voice because of how on edge it sounds, "I'm so closeㅡ"

The words only earn him a hum in reply, but then he feels Seonghwa dip his thumb into his hipbone. Nails accidentally graze against his skin as the blonde's hand wanders lower, behind his back, and paired with Seonghwa's ragged groan, it's all it takes for him until he's coming into Seonghwa's hand with a whimper of his name.

Slumping down against the older's chest, he heaves a sigh as Seonghwa whines, his pace having not slowed down since Hongjoong came, and he'd probably complain about feeling too sensitive, if not for how hopeless Seonghwa sounds.

"Seonghwa," he mumbles into the boy's skin, his hand petting the back of Seonghwa's neck, "come for me, baby."

And with that, the blonde whimpers again, before his lips part soundlessly. Suddenly stilling, his fingers dig into Hongjoong's skin before he leans down onto the pillows, pulling the younger down with himself.

It's quiet for a second, Seonghwa breathing deeply as Hongjoong rest his forehead against the blondes neck, his eyelids falling shut as he feels himself calming down.

But then, Seonghwa's voice breaks the silence, "I have to, uh..."

Eyes snapping open, it doesn't take Hongjoong long until he realizes what the older means. Pushing himself up, he doesn't meet Seonghwa's eye as the older pulls out, and he only rolls over, closer to the wall, laying comfortably on his back.

He's too tired to do anything otherwise than watch as Seonghwa stands up, throwing away the used condom and then what Hongjoong assumes, makes a beeline for the dorm's bathroom. It can't possibly take more than a minute, until the blonde stumbles back into the room, a cloth clutched in his now washed hand.

Hongjoong lets himself crack a smile when the older walks over, taking a seat by the edge of the bed before carefully helping Hongjoong clean up.

It's obvious that something's on Seonghwa's mind, just from the way he doesn't fully meet Hongjoong's eye at first, and he waits patiently until the older finally speaks up.

"Will we... do this again?"

Chuckling softly in reply, he murmurs back, "only if you want to, baby."

Seonghwa's mouth snaps shut at that, but Hongjoong can see the way his cheeks dust pink at the petname, and he files the information away in his mind for future reference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i,,,,, might continue this fic,, if anyone would like to read more of this.
> 
> so if you do? then just let me know in the comments.


	2. as if it were to explode now, now, now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smiling to himself, he can't help but feel a tingle of satisfaction as Seonghwa openly stares up at him, a pink blush dusting his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: yeaH idk i might not continue this :/  
> me the next day: okay so here's the next chapter i hope u like itㅡ
> 
> fjhsdlsh listen. listen. idk either

They don't talk about it.

Not because they're avoiding the topic or anything like that, though. It's just that, they don't really have the time to actually sit down, just the two of them, and discuss ㅡ what, exactly, _this_ is, what they are, if they really plan on continuing whatever it is, or if it was just a one time thing ㅡ when Hongjoong's busy being the leader and locked in his studio composing music half the time, and Seonghwa spends most of his days on vocal training or studying Japanese.

It's fine. It's not like Hongjoong isn't used to this by now. As touchy as he is with everyone, he's pretty sure that out of them all, he spends the least amount of time with the others, just because usually, in his mind, _free time_ equals _work time_ , even if the other members have to drag him to sleep sometimes.

It happened three days ago, just as it happened yesterday. Last time it was Yunho, already having changed to his sleepwear, his lips set into a concerned pout as he hesitantly opened the door.

("Hongjoong, it's one in the morning," the boy said, his fingers fidgeting with his pajama bottoms as he blinked back his exhaustion, "go to sleep".

And as Hongjoong glanced back at the younger, the boy clearly too sleepy to keep himself upright, he could only hum in agreement, saving his progress absentmindedly, already a habit of his, before shutting down his computer and following Yunho out of the room.)

That's why he's not really surprised when he hears the door of his studio open, the loud creak reaching his ears even as they're snuggled underneath his favorite set of headphones, and he snaps his head to the side. His eyes widen as they meet Seonghwa's own, because shit, it feels kind of awkward to spend alone time with the older now, after what happened a whole week ago.

Immediately, he turns to face the blonde properly, shooting upright and nodding in greeting, flustered for no reason ㅡ but Seonghwa isn't any better, it seems.

Because the boy hesitates before stepping in, blindly closing the door after himself and then he leans back into it, as if it was the only thing that could keep him upright at the moment. A second of awkward silence passes, because one, Seonghwa just won't meet his eye, instead choosing to stare at his shoes, and two, Hongjoong has no idea what was it the other wanted from him, and decided to wait for Seonghwa to speak up first.

Finally, the blonde takes a deep breath, even though the words that leave his mouth don't seem like what he meant to say, based on the conflicted expression on his face, "you shouldn't stay up again."

Tilting his head to the side, Hongjoong squints at the boy, whose gaze is still locked far, far away, "is this what you came here for? To scold me?"

Seonghwa immediately pouts at that, and he finally steals a glance back at Hongjoong, before his shoulders relax slightly and he shrugs, "no. Not really."

"What is it, then?"

Okay, he might be just playing dumb at this point. He's pretty sure he figured it out by now, considering how nervous the blonde seems. Sure, he might still be wrong, and he tries not to actually assume anything before the boy confirms it out loud, but that doesn't stop him from striding closer, eyes searching Seonghwa's face for any clues.

"I," the other starts, but drifts off almost immediately, his teeth catching onto his lower lip, contemplating, "I guess I just wanted to ask if you... if you'd..."

Impatient, he can't hold himself back from butting in, "if I what?"

And Seonghwa only hangs his head at that, probably to hide his face, but Hongjoong can still see the way his ears grow almost comically red.

The older's voice sounds unusually small when he speaks up again, "if, maybe, you'd help me again?"

"Oh," he can only blink, dumbfounded, before the words actually register in his brain and before he knows it, his lips already tilt up smugly, "yeah, okay."

He watches as Seonghwa's head snaps up at that, as if he was expecting rejection ㅡ which, maybe he actually was. Who knows. Not Hongjoong, at least.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," he says again, grabbing the older by the shoulders and turning the both of them around, carefully pushing the boy further into the room, "let me take care of you, baby."

He's never really thought of the older as someone to get flustered easily ㅡ not until what happened a week ago, at least. But now, as he sees the way the blonde's eyes widen at the petname, clearing his throat nervously before nodding, he might just reconsider.

It's only a few seconds before they're already by Hongjoong's desk, Seonghwa stopping in his tracks as he supposes there's no room in order for him to back up any more.

Splaying his fingers over Seonghwa's chest, he pushes the older down gently, which he thankfully takes as a hint to take a seat on Hongjoong's armchair. Smiling to himself, he can't help but feel a tingle of satisfaction as Seonghwa openly stares up at him, a pink blush dusting his cheeks.

It's not often that he has to look _down_ to meet Seonghwa's eye, due to their height difference, but he sure as hell enjoys every second of it.

Until he drops down to his knees, that is.

Resting his palms on Seonghwa's thighs, he peeks up and schooles his face into an as innocent expression as he possibly can before slowly, but firmly, spreading his legs apart.

"Can I blow you?"

Waiting for Seonghwa's reaction, he cups the older through his jeans, palming him lazily as he watches Seonghwa exhale harshly through his nose. The blonde's hips thurst up at the action, and maybe he doesn't meet Hongjoong's eye, but there's a red tint on his cheeks as he nods urgently for him to go on.

Taking his time, he let's his fingernails graze against the fabric of his jeans, before he tugs the zipper all the way down. Playing with the hem of his boxers, he contemplates his next move for a second, before he decides, _fuck it_ , and pushes the clothes down to his thighs, Seonghwa lifting his hips just to make the slide easier.

The last time they did this, Hongjoong didn't really have the time to properly _look_ at Seonghwa's dick before. Now, though, he lets himself fully focus on it.

Slowly, he lets his fingers close around the base, then gives an experimental pump, following it with a flick of his wrist. Obviously, Seonghwa's not even hard yet, but Hongjoong's pretty sure he's already halfway there. It's a surprise, but a nice one nonetheless.

He stares at it long enough for Seonghwa to squirm uncomfortably, which brings him back to reality and he leans down, lapping at the head. Looking up through his eyelashes, he can't help but smirk when he sees the way Seonghwa's eyes widen as the blonde notices Hongjoong meeting his gaze.

It's kind of weird, because Hongjoong never really felt the need to suck people off, but right now, as he sees Seonghwa watching him, already so worked up even though Hongjoong hasn't even done much yet, he suddenly sees the appeal.

Snapping his attention back down, he makes sure to be almost agonizingly slow, as he trails open mouthed kissed down the shaft and back up again, relishing in the way Seonghwa's breath hitches.

Only then does he finally take the head in, carefully swirling his tongue around it, and the high pitched moan it earns him makes all of this worth it.

He takes his time sinking down, but it's not that long until he bops his head again, in hopes of creating a somewhat steady rhythm ㅡ it doesn't work, not really, but Seonghwa still seems to enjoy it, so Hongjoong takes it as a win. A moan rumbles out of his throat, and he feels more than actually sees Seonghwa shudder in response. _Oh. Interesting._

Pulling off, he takes a shaky breath before licking at the slit.

The older's hips jerk up involuntarily, and he pushes them down firmly, because he doesn't feel like gagging in the nearest future. He rocks his head once more, taking in as much as he can, his hand pumping messily where he can't quite reach, and he can feel Seonghwa's muscles stiffening under his touch, where his other hand still rests on the older's thigh.

Quickly glancing up to observe Seonghwa's reaction, he can't hold back a whine at the sight.

Because Seonghwa's eyes are glazed over when he looks up again, his pupils blown wide and his lips parted as he pants quietly ㅡ if his cheeks were only dusted pink before, now they're pretty much burning, the tips of his fringe sticking to his skin with sweat and maybe Hongjoong's biased, but that's maybe, kind of, _fucking adorable_. But also almost ridiculously hot.

"Joong," the boy whimpers, his voice cracking towards the end, "Joong, stop, I'm gonna come."

But as cute it is, the fact that the other doesn't want to make Hongjoong do anything without previously discussing it, he ignores the warning, because he wants to make Seonghwa feel good, and even if the blonde doesn't know it yet, he's fine with this.

So, he only bops his head a few more times, hollowing his cheeks out on his way up, and that's all it takes for Seonghwa to mewl desperately before he's already coming inside Hongjoong's mouth.

Doing his best at swallowing it all, he almost splutters as he pulls away, but really, he doesn't mind it much, not when Seonghwa's staring at him with something so soft in his gaze, something that Hongjoong doesn't dare think about yet even though it manages to make his heart jump up to his throat.

The next thing he knows, Seonghwa reaches his hand out, careful fingers cupping his jaw and pulling him up, before his lips meet Hongjoong's own.

And he knows, it can't be the most enjoyable kiss Seonghwa's ever had, not when he's pretty sure there's cum smeared on his chin and the bitter taste still on his tongue, but as the older licks into his mouth, he doesn't seem to care.

It's filthy at best, he has to admit, and after they break apart, he can't help but reach his hand up in an attempt to clean himself up, Seonghwa's eyes crinkling up in amusement.

"Do you want me to help you, too?" the older says, but Hongjoong's already shaking his head lightly.

"No, no, don't worry. It's okay," and maybe Seonghwa doesn't seem exactly convinced, but he doesn't object after Hongjoong adds, "besides, it's late, we should get to bed if you want to catch any sleep tonight."

And so they do. On their separate beds, only a hushed _goodnight_ shared between them in a whisper before silence fills the room.

For some reason, Hongjoong kind of wishes Seonghwa would join him and cuddle for the rest of the night, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. what do y'all think? 👀
> 
> i'm not tagging this as on going because i don't wanna feel pressured to continue this ㅡ but that doesn't mean it's finished For Sure. who knows, if i feel like it, i might just add another chapter !
> 
> but that also depends on how much feedback i get, so please, if you liked this, leave a comment or smth !


	3. can't, stop nobody else, can nobody else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confused, he only blinks back at the blonde, until Seonghwa finally opens his mouth to speak.
> 
> "Are we exclusive?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayy. i'm back. with more. unfortunately?  
> i haven't beta read this, so there might be some typos nd all dkhsjd  
> there's now officially. one (1) person that connected this pseud with my main ao3 account but will that stop me from posting more?? apparently, no

Going on with his day to day life after that is actually fairly easier than he was expecting it to.

It doesn't change much of their dynamic, and Hongjoong's still as busy as he always is, so none of the members seem to suspect that something happened between the two of them.

Maybe except Yunho. Yunho's always been quick on picking up things that others would usually only skip their eyes over, and now, whenever all the members spend time together, and Hongjoong spends a little more time than the rest of the boys openly staring at Seonghwa as he speaks ㅡ every time it happens, he can literally feel Yunho's gaze hovering over him, calculating, as if the younger knew something about him that even Hongjoong didn't.

Until finally, one day, Yunho corners him about it.

Their dance practice has barely ended, all of the members having left for either the shower, kitchen, or their own rooms, and Hongjoong's about to follow, when a hand carefully placed on his shoulder stops him.

Confused, he quickly turns around before his gaze locks with Yunho's concerned eyes, but before he has the time to ask what's wrong, the younger's already speaking.

"Joong, you should tell him."

It's only five words, plain and simple, but despite that, he has no clue what even the boy is talking about. Tilting his head to the side, he juts his lower lip out before mumbling back, "tell him, what?" and then, "wait, tell who?"

Yunho only seems to sadden at that, his gaze flicking to the floor before meeting Hongjoong's own again, "you really don't realize it, huh?"

The question only manages to confuse him even further, and his eyebrows furrow as he adds, "what are you talking about?"

"Hongjoong."

The way his name falls from Yunho's lips almost makes his heart break ㅡ it sounds as if the boy has given up on, whatever it is, the one word followed by a sigh, "maybe you're still oblivious to it, but Iㅡ I see the way you look at Seonghwa, alright? And maybe the others haven't noticed it yet, but there's only so much time before they do, andㅡ I think you should tell Seonghwa about your feelings, before he hears about it from anyone else."

And that, makes him freeze.

Because, obviously Yunho was mistaken ㅡ Hongjoong didn't have feelings for Seonghwa. Not that type of feelings, no. Sure, they were friends, close ones, at that. Especially close, as of lately, even. And maybe Hongjoong likes to spend his free time with the other boy, and maybe he enjoys their ridiculous, midnight conversations, and Seonghwa's comforting presence, but he doesn't like him this way.

Or does he?

"I," he stutters, suddenly unable to meet Yunho's gaze. He can't tell the boy he's got everything wrong, not when he's not so sure himself, but it's not like he can tell him about what they've had going on lately, either. So, he only huffs out a meek, "I'll think about it."

At least Yunho seems to deem that enough, because the younger boy only pats his shoulder encouragingly with an uncertain smile before slipping out of the practice room, leaving Hongjoong with his own racing thoughts.

The rest of the day, he spends locked in his studio, deciding to distract himself from this mess of feelings. But he doesn't expect it when he gets back to their shared room, just to find Seonghwa sitting by the edge of his bed, his head perking up at the sound of the door opening, visibly waiting for him.

He chooses to ignore the bottle of flavoured lube that stands on the nightstand, something he's pretty sure wasn't there before.

Confused, he only blinks back at the blonde, until Seonghwa finally opens his mouth to speak.

"Are we exclusive?"

He almost does a double take, choking on his own spit before he answers, uncertain, "I, I hope so."

And it seems to be what Seonghwa's been hoping for, as well, because a sunny smile lights up his entire face, "then yeah, we are."

For a second, he lets himself admire the way it makes the older looks so unbelievably stunning, before suddenly, Seonghwa's gaze darkens, a huge contrast from the hesitant way he seems to hold himself before he murmurs, "actually Iㅡ I wanted to pay you back. For the last time."

Suddenly, Hongjoong forgets how to breathe.

"Yeah, okay."

(That evening, Seonghwa eats him out, and he can't hold himself back from rubbing his member against the bedspread when the older adds two fingers in ㅡ before he comes with a muffled whimper into the sheets.

Needless to say, he thinks it's a good enough payback.)

•••

It all happens because of an innocent question.

It's a fairly calm day, and Hongjoong's sitting on top of his own bed as Yunho and him fool around on vlive, playing with the various filters and replying to fan's comments. It's comfortable, and Hongjoong can't hold back a smile at some of Yunho's replies, when suddenly the boy reads out loud a question directed at Hongjoong.

"Hongjoong, is there any type of girl you like?" the boy says, before casting a side glance at Hongjoong, and he's pretty sure he understands whatever Yunho thinks about the question. Because they both know, and Yunho's the only other members that caught on to Hongjoong's admiration slash maybe-actually-crush, he's still not quite sure, directed at their oldest member.

"Well," he starts, licking his lips as he really thinks about it, "I guess, if there's a type of person that I like... it would be someone that I can rely on, someone that I can find comfort in."

It's hard not to think of Seonghwa as he speaks, but he's only now realizing just how much the older boy matches exactly what Hongjoong would like to call perfect, in his eyes, "a person that I can take care of, and someone that would take care of me as wellㅡ but would let me take over control more often than not."

An image of Seonghwa's rosy cheeks at his use of the word _baby_ pops into his mind, and before he knows it, he's already smiling.

"Ah, I don't know. Don't take me too seriously, I'm just really cheesy."

But that's when the door of Yunho's room opens, and both of them turn to glance at the person standing in the doorway ㅡ and it's Seonghwa, because of course it would be.

Was he watching the live? Did he hear what Hongjoong just said? Oh God, did he realize he was basically gushing about him? What if he did? Or what if the thought that Hongjoong was talking about someone else? Would he be jealous? Would he chide him for being too obvious?

He's pulled out of his thoughts as Seonghwa waves him over curtly, and he exchanges a look with Yunho before turning to the phone in his hands.

"Sorry guys, I have to go. But hey, Yunho's still here! You can pester him, now."

And with that, he walks out of the room.

Seonghwa doesn't say anything as he circles his fingers around Hongjoong's wrist, carefully tugging him forward, and Hongjoong doesn't dare question him as he follows. Whatever he's been expecting, it wasn't for Seonghwa to pull him into the bathroom, and carefully closing the door behind them.

Wordlessly, he gently pushes Hongjoong back, his chest hitting the wall, the action both confusing him only further but also, maybe, kind of, turning him on.

Not that he'd admit to it.

Turning his head to the side, as best as he can, he shots Seonghwa a quizzical look, but whatever he was about to say quickly dies in his throat when he sees the way Seonghwa is staring at him ㅡ almost hungrily?

"You have absolutely no idea," the older murmurs, his hands roaming Hongjoong's back as he steps closer, whispering right into Hongjoong's ear, and his voice cracks in the middle of the sentence, "just how much that stupid answer affected me."

He's too scared to reply, as if anything he said could break the spell, some kind of tension that he doesn't quite recognize filling the air, even as Seonghwa's palms crawl further, tugging at the zipper of his jeans.

Dangerous, his mind supplies, this is dangerous. Not only are all other members inside, but Yunho's even on vlive right now ㅡ if anyone hears them right now, their whole fan base will, as well.

But will that stop him? No.

Before Hongjoong even knows it, his pants are already tugged down to his knees, and he hears more than sees Seonghwa dropping to the ground. For a second, nothing follows, and his worry dissipates, but then he feels the tip of a finger, wet from spit, circle his rim.

"Seonghwa," he murmurs, shivering at the touch, "we don't have any condoms."

There's a hum, hot air hitting his skin, and he almost whimpers, because was Seonghwa really that close to him?

"I know," the boy replies, his voice way steadier than usual when they've done this, and for some reason, Hongjoong can't help but think how fucking _hot_ the older's confidence actually is. But then, the blonde continues, as he pushes the finger inside, "that's why I'm only going to finger you today."

"Fuck," he huffs out, because what else can he do, really, when the both of them know how vocal he can get. But is it really his fault, when Seonghwa trails wet kisses over his thighs, as he slowly moves his finger sideways before pushing it deeper in, up to his second knuckle, and shit, Hongjoong's never really realized how long his fingers actually are until now.

"Does it hurt?"

He hears Seonghwa whisper into his skin, the fact alone that the blonde cares enough to ask, enough to have him shivering, and he can only nod sharply, not quite trusting his voice not to crack as he murmurs, "kinda, yeah. A little bit."

He doesn't get a verbal reply, so he doesn't expect it when the older reaches around, firmly circling the base and dragging his hand up. It's enough to distract Hongjoong from the sting and he mewls when he feels Seonghwa's thumb tease right under the head while he carefully pushes his finger in deeper, patiently stretching the younger out.

It's the perfect mix of considerate and overwhelming, because he can feel Seonghwa planting gentle pecks over his back, and it all makes him feel so embarrassingly _vulnerable_ , in a way he's never thought he'd enjoy ㅡ at least, not as much as he does right now.

A moan rumbles out of his throat before he can stop it, and shit, he really hopes that nobody hears them.

Pulling out, Seonghwa doesn't comment on the disappointed whine the action earns him, spitting at his palm to make the slide easier, and when he pushes in this time, it's with an added second finger.

It feels so much better than it should, at least in Hongjoong's mind, both because it's only fingering, for fuck's sake, but also because it's Seonghwa ㅡ whose hands are admittedly bigger than his own, which makes it so much easier for him to tease at his prostate with the pads of his fingers, compared to when it was only Hongjoong alone with his own hands ㅡ and as much as he hates to admit it when they have to stay as quiet as possible, the pleasure is driving him _mad_.

"You look so pretty like this," Seonghwa hums as his other hand picks up its pace, jerking Hongjoong off messily, and his voice alone is enough to make Hongjoong squirm, "so pretty... only for me."

His teeth catch onto his lip before he bites the inside of his cheek in an attempt to stay silent, but it only takes Seonghwa a few rapid flicks of his wrist before Hongjoong clamps his palm over his mouth and cums with a high pitched moan.

He doesn't have to see Seonghwa's face to know the other is smiling smugly as he places the last kiss to his thigh ㅡ some possesive side of his wants to show the older his place, have him squirming and begging under him, not the other way around ㅡ but he only takes a steading breath, promising himself, _next time_.

It isn't long before Seonghwa reaches for the toilet paper, thoroughly cleaning him up ㅡ at this point, Hongjoong thinks, it's somewhat like a habit of theirs.

But then, an idea pops into his mind, and he turns around, casting his gaze to the obvious dent in the blonde's own pants.

Fingers playing with the hem of Seonghwa's jeans, he hesitates before asking, "don't you wanna do something about this, too?"

In reply, the older only inhales sharply, "fuck, yeah."

After that, Seonghwa fucks into his mouth, and for the first time in his life, Hongjoong realizes he quite enjoys doing what he's told to ㅡ but only when it comes to Seonghwa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again. might still continue this if i feel like it. or might not. who knows ?? definitely not me


End file.
